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Written by Joan Eison
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Should you send yourself a Valentine card? I say YES,
emphatically. As a matter of fact, you should be sending constant
messages of love to yourself. If your stream of self talk is more
negative than positive, you need to eject that CD and pop in a new one
quicker than you can say Godiva chocolate.
What kind of Valentine should you send yourself? Hallmark says
"send the very best." The array of choices in Valentine cards is
amazing. They glitter; they dazzle; they play music and they
express beautiful sentiments. If you selected a wonderful card
for a dear friend, what would it say?
You make me laugh.
You are always there when I need you.
You are thoughtful and kind.
I’m lucky to know you.
Chocolate doesn’t have calories when you eat it with a friend.
If these words fit your friend, they probably fit your friend’s friend -- YOU.
We tend to look for traits in others that we want to emulate, or that
we already possess. Imagine looking into a mirror seeing yourself
standing in the middle of a group of people you love. All of the
faces in the mirror, especially you, deserve love. There is a
familiarity, a ribbon that encircles. There are no exceptions.
The custom of sending love messages on February 14th evolved from the
tragic death and martyrdom of Valentine, a Christian priest in the time
of Emperor Claudius II of Rome (270). Emperor Claudius II of Rome
had a difficult time recruiting soldiers and he attributed it to the
men not wanting to leave their loves and families. So, Claudius
cancelled all marriages and engagements, but when he learned that
Valentine was secretly aiding and marrying Christian couples, Claudius
had him beaten and beheaded. Legend has it that St. Valentine
left a farewell note to his friend, the jailer’s daughter, signing it,
"from your Valentine."
No month in the year projects the topic of love more prominently than
February, that month when every store window is dressed in red and pink
offering tempting gifts from sensory to tasty to sparkling. Yet,
all off these alluring advertisements envision remembrances coming to
you from someone else, from a partner, a lover, a husband, a child, a
friend. But, have you ever seen one that read, "Have you loved
yourself today?"
As Valentine’s Day draws closer, many of us become a little
anxious. Will we receive cards, flowers, candy, or a special
phone call? And, if none of those things happen, what does it say
about us? Does it mean that we are not loveable? There goes
that negative stream of self talk, again. Far too often, we
translate outward symbols into inward messages that are very
detrimental to our own well-being.
It is perfectly normal to want to receive sweet thoughts and
expressions from those we hold dear; but, it’s a little like craving a
candy bar. Before the candy bar, there’s a cry for something
sweet. Eating the candy bar, there’s a warm satisfaction and a
tiny guilty pang. Right after eating the candy bar, there’s a
sugar rush and energy acceleration. But, an hour later, the sugar
has burned up, the buzz is gone and you’re hungrier than before you
tore the paper wrapper.
The greatest gift -- Valentine or otherwise -- that you can give to
someone you love is to free them from being responsible for your
happiness. Someone else sending a card or roses isn’t the key to
your self worth, nor the definition of your being loveable. The
most meaningful, life altering message we will ever get is from
ourselves. If the only repeating message in your private thoughts
is dedicated to "didn’t, can’t, won’t, and couldn’t," then your
reservoir will be drained. If you give vast quantities of love
and joy to others and serve yourself only blame and criticism, you will
be starving and depleted.
But, if the message playing in your mind is a steady stream of sweet,
affirming thoughts it will be like walking into a crowd of people
smiling at you in the warmest, friendliest way. When you
continuously, positively acknowledge your own efforts and positive
intentions, it’s like having a mailbox stuffed with Valentines every
day.
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